Reflections & Lessons From 2023
I’m going to break this post down into sections for digestibility of content. Be sure to check out my YouTube content for more in-depth discussions about these experiences.
Autism/ASD Diagnosis
After lingering with uncertainty about whether I am autistic or not for a year, I went to get professionally assessed in February 2023.
The result? Level 2 autism was diagnosed (levels indicate levels of support required).
The diagnosis has given explanations to many questions of uncertainty, and allowed me to live life more strategically.
I’m more competent at sensory management and understand what environments and contexts drain me, and revilalise me.
Transgender Journey
It’s been a year and two months since I underwent gender-affirming top surgery. It’s healed up well.
I am almost 3 years on testosterone.
I’m happy with where I am - both physically and psychologically - with my identity.
I live life as Lev now and not as “the trans guy” specifically.
Being trans does not cross my mind often as I live my daily life.
Dating & Relationships
My ex and I broke up in October 2022.
This year has been a year of healing, finding myself again and reclaiming power.
A year of re-learning what moving on means (spoiler: it does not mean attempting to delete our exes from our memory).
It means accepting that thoughts and feelings about exes can float by in our minds, and being okay with co-existing with it when it arises.
It means not punishing ourselves for being human.
I realised the self-neglect and lack of boundaries (to keep myself safe) that existed in that relationship, vowing to never repeat that in future.
Check out this video for more in-depth reflections about my past relationship.
Reminder: have a brief brain break if needed before continuing.
Career
I wanted to pursue clinical psychology since high school, only to realise its unsuitability for me 6 months ago.
Initially, rejection from postgraduate clinical psychology studies frustrated me, now only to be a blessing in disguise.
Currently exploring suitable long-term career pathways - it is a work in progress.
After increased understanding of how autism impacts me, clinical psychology became out of the question because:
Rapid social overwhelm from simultaneous mental tasks (e.g., reading client body language, listening to client stories, processing this information, formulating responses on the spot etc.).
Masking is a total drainer.
Clinical mental health work is very nuanced, with 10 million individual client factors to consider.
The job is all mental and physically stagnant.
Mental Health Therapy
Started therapy for autism support in June 2023. Worked on low self-esteem, low self-confidence, sensory management, understanding nuances of autism and navigating social environments (including dating).
An important factor in therapy for me is being challenged and doing what I find uncomfortable or cringe. That is where growth happens - doing it despite the cringe feeling.
Music
Picked up a guitar for the first time in February 2023 and practiced consistently for 2 months before discontinuing out of frustration of ‘not getting it’. I felt frustrated with muting strings while playing single notes on the higher ones.
Picked up guitar again in September 2023 and have been consistent in practice to this day, and ongoing. I approached this time with a new strategy - do it anyway and eventually the finger dexterity will improve where holding down individual frets, then chords, will not hurt to the same degree.
Eventually, I stopped muting strings too.
Now, I know 12 basic chords and am developing chord switching skills.
Also, I’ve been learning music theory and continue drumming.