What Does Autistic Unmasking Look Like?
To learn more about what autistic masking is and its underpinnings, check out my blog about the unmasking process here!
Without further ado, let's dive in.
Saying 'no'
I have horrendous people-pleasing tendencies, formerly worse due to social anxiety disorder and autistic masking.
With this came the challenge of saying no due to fear of rejection or being perceived in a negative light.
This resulted in nervous system dysregulation and resentment at feeling stuck in self-neglect, lack of self-respect and the image of fraudulent fitting in.
I've developed more confidence in saying 'no' or 'I'm uncomfortable with this' as opposed to reluctant approval out of self-neglect. This includes:
Car ride requests from friends.
Being asked favours.
Being asked if I'm happy or comfortable with a certain idea or proposed path of action (e.g., group decision).
Standing my ground even if others have varying opinions or a different consensus.
Cancelling plans if I genuinely don't wish to meet, to prioritise myself.
Stimming
Stimming allows me to regulate nervous system energy and activity, often through physical behaviours such as fidgeting, tapping hands, kicking feet, playing with toys etc.
Historically, I subconsciously suppressed these behaviours to minimise attention being drawn and to not "look like a weirdo".
At present, I'm unmasking by learning to stim without shame, and be okay with receiving odd glances from people.
Examples of how I stim include:
Playing with fidget spinner, magic cube, pop-it game or a stress blob.
Tapping my hands and feet, pretending that I'm drumming (with or without music present).
Improvising drum beats with my hands on random surfaces.
Writing blogs or poems.
Air guitar shredding.
Staring into the void, being engrossed in my own thoughts.
Intermission
Decompression Time
After a period of high stimulation and energy drainage, I require time to declutter my mind and reset my nervous system through solitude and sensory deprivation.
The more energy I use, the more time required to decompress. This is not only dependent on active engagement time, but the physical and social environment I'm in.
My sensory input tolerance levels are also dependent on my existing sensory load, with less tolerance meaning quicker overwhelm.
Physical environment includes:
Intensity of light illumination.
Colour of lights.
Noise levels of the space.
Whether it's cluttered/claustrophobic feeling or spacious.
Design of architecture of space.
Weather
Air quality
Noise pollution levels
Social environment includes:
Who I'm present with in my circle.
The number of people I'm present with.
How crowded the environment is.
Whether I feel safe unmasking or not around people I'm connected to in the social context of hanging out.
Internal environment includes:
Nervous system safety levels - threatened, iffy or calm.
Existing mental and emotional load.
Mood
Feelings and emotions.
Accepting Rejection
Welcoming rejection over fraud connections built on masking behaviours to appease specific ideals about how I should function as a person.
This newfound skill comes from developing a strong foundation of self-esteem, one that is void from social expectations or status. I don't reject myself, despite being rejected by others.